The White House Assault of 20XX
Goal The Garfieldist religion had been struggling to attract new members for days, and the religion was close to falling apart completely, much like Gabe and Joes relationship would after this incident. The Garfieldists knew that the only way to save their religion, and thus save the One True God, was to acquire more of that sweet sweet schlorp that they had been lacking. A white house intern turned Garfielist discovered that the US Government had not only discovered the existence of schlorp, but had devised a new and sexier way of extraction. This news was delivered to the First Prophet of Garfieldism, Peyton Palindrome, and the plan to attack the white house was set into motion. The plan was simple, get in, get the extraction plans, kill everyone who knew about schlorp, and get out. Operation S.C.H.L.O.R.P Operation S.C.H.L.O.R.P (Sexy Comrades Helping Locate Offerings for Real Peepees) was largely a success, with only minor faults. The Garfieldists arrived at the white house at 4:21, high as hell, and snuck inside, easily killing everyone in sight. (note: they were high on a mix of coke, meth, and schlorp, making them impervious to bullets and completely feral) Peyton Palindrome made his way to the oval office, the rest of the team securing the left wing and fighting off the rest of the secret service. He burst into the room and tackled the president to the ground, biting off both of his peni in a coked up rage. Peyton demanded the president tell him where the extraction plans were, and in his last and most african american breaths, he directed Peyton to the ball pit from Dashcon, currently residing in the on site SCP containment unit, 69 floors below the surface. Peyton sent an AIM message to his top Schlorpers and closest comrades, Gabe and Joe, telling them to meet him on floor -69. The 3 met up in the SCP containment unit, popped out their heely wheels, and made their way down the long hallway to room X3, labeled "the pit of knowledge" just as they were about to go in, a guard appeared, and the 3 had to hide. Peyton slowly crawled toward the guard in order to kill him, but he was dummy thick and the clap of his ass cheeks alerted the guard, who turned around and sneezed right on Peyton, who died immediately because he was anti-vaxx. At that exact moment, The One True God Garfield spoke out for all to hear, and said "I̵̯͊n̸͉̕f̸̦̾å̷̱n̸̆ͅt̷̨͝ë̴̮s̸̰̚ ̵̯̐a̷̙̐ȕ̶̹t̵͎͘e̷̢̛m̶̯̒ ̴͉̐G̷̝͠ã̸̹r̴͕̊f̵̢͗i̶̥͝ě̸͕l̵̬̂ḑ̸̓,̸̣͂ ̷̜̑ȁ̷̟u̶͉͠d̷̥̎í̴̥ṟ̴͒ḛ̴̚ ̵̥̈́ā̵̭d̵̗͝ ̶̥͂v̵̢͒o̴̗͑c̷̪͝a̴͍̒t̴͉̎ỉ̸͕ỏ̵̠n̸̨͛e̷̙͛ṃ̸̑ ̴͔̽t̴̖̀ű̵̜ǘ̶ͅś̴̰ ̶̜̈u̸̮͆n̶̹͗ụ̷͑s̶͉͘ ̶̮̋v̶̖͝e̸͉͝r̴̦͊u̶̲͊s̵̪̃ ̵̩̏p̷̰̆r̶̖̓o̸̩̽p̶̻͊h̸̬͠ę̶͗t̴̊͜a̵͍̔ ̴̰́I̵͖͛n̸̥̏t̸̨̆ë̶̦́r̷̛̯f̴̪̌e̷͉̔c̶̤̚t̴̳͗ǫ̷̾ ̷̩̿I̷̘͂n̶̫̒ḑ̵̄u̷̞̅t̷͇̉i̶̟͆o̵̱͆m̶̥͛a̸̱͝r̵̰͑o̵̜͂,̶̲͛ ̴̤̒ṳ̵͊t̸̥͗ ̶̥̆e̸̗͒ṛ̸̓a̴̮͝ţ̶͋ ̵̟́p̶͋͜h̷̻̃a̷̻̿n̷͎̽t̸̀͜a̸̡̾s̷̠̐m̵̠͆a̶̹̓ ̷̤͒d̵͙̍ê̷̗n̴̫̔s̸̩͐i̶͖̅s̵̤̏s̶̰̈́i̴̯͘m̵̡̃a̴͈̓ ̷͉̈́e̷̙̒s̷͇̎t̶͍͋,̷̦͠ ̸̖̾n̸͓̉o̷͙͋b̸̫́i̸̛̫ļ̷̊i̷͉̋ś̷̻ș̶͊i̴̧̽m̶̛͙a̵̱͝e̸͇̚ ̶̨̛e̴̲̓x̴̯̓ ̴̱́v̶̠̑o̸̹̅b̴̘́i̸̜͠s̷͚͋ ̶̡̈ẽ̶̱s̴͙͝t̷̲̍ ̶͕̾c̷̪͊ú̴̯m̷̦͘ ̸͕̒c̸̥͗a̵̘̿n̶͈͐e̶̼̽ ̸̪̎n̸̙͛e̵̥͆x̶̺̊a̴̧̔ ̴̫̀s̴̱͝u̸͈̕ỉ̷̤ś̸̱ ̵͕̇ä̷̟́n̸̤̆i̶̢͘m̷̮̍â̶͜ ̴̳̋ȧ̵̲ņ̶̏i̵͈̐m̶̲͠a̵̿ͅr̷̗̊u̵̺͛m̷̗͗ ̶̳̈́r̴̝̎e̶̙͝t̴͉͗i̷͈̚ň̵͈e̵̥̊n̸̙̉t̴͍̓ ̴̉ͅs̶̼̀ṷ̵̕ì̷̙s̵͓͠ ̵̜͊p̷͕͑ó̸͈t̷͓͂ê̶̳s̵̡̋t̶̹̄a̶̦̚t̵͍̓ë̷̦m̵̻͆ ̸̗͐a̶̱̾u̵̩͂d̴͓̂î̵̙ ̷͙̌v̵̲̅e̶̯̎ȑ̸͓b̵̡̓ú̷͚m̴͆ͅ ̴̤̇D̸̝͝ó̶̰m̴̡̈́i̵̺͛n̶̙̈́i̷̠͗ ̸̡̾ẗ̷̨́u̷͖̽ ̴̯̋s̷̠̅c̷͍̒i̵̫͑s̸͚͒ ̷͚̔v̴̛̪ì̴͔v̵͕͐e̵͉̎ţ̶̄ ̷̩͂p̶̺͊r̸͚̍o̵͉̒p̵̟̿t̴͔́e̴̗̐r̷̘͑ ̴̦͆p̶͔̐ȍ̷̦p̵̯̐u̵͙̚l̵͓͒ų̸͋m̴̠͝ ̸̖̉,̵͍͌ ̸͇̃n̸͕̿e̶͕͝ ̷̛̬í̷ͅń̸̩ ̶̣͝ľ̵͕ǘ̷̼c̵̭̕e̶͕̎m̸̢͐ ̴̹͛b̴̺̋u̵̩͐b̴̺̚ụ̴̒ś̸̘ ̶͇̋â̵̭f̶̗̈́f̸͉̃e̸̝͘r̶͊ͅt̸̪̉ ̴͇̾v̷̜̚ḙ̷̓r̵̫̃m̴̲̈e̶̖̚s̴̯͊ ̶̥̌ḃ̵ͅr̶̡̈́a̸̼̕n̷̫͝c̸̭͝ḧ̶͍́ĭ̸̞i̸͚̋s̸̡̅,̷́͜ ̷̳́Ḏ̵̑ö̶̦m̵̻͆ị̷̔ń̷̨e̸̪̊ ̵͎̂ṣ̶́ḙ̵̌ċ̵̠ǔ̸̝n̴̪͂d̴̟́i̴̧̇ ̵̧̌f̵̖̈́ĭ̶̫n̶̹̉e̷̖̕ ̷̡̈́d̷̪̓ȋ̷̱c̷̞̉e̶͛͜ṉ̶̌t̷̪̓ẹ̵͗s̴̤̾ ̴̌͜G̸̭͂á̴̺ṙ̸͔f̵̮͗ȋ̷̫ȇ̵̘ḻ̶͐d̴̖̈́" Gabe became a being of pure light energy, floating up into the air and instantly killing the weaker minded guard, and maddening Joe for the first time. Simply being near such a powerful act of Garfield gave Joe his god killing abilities, and made every SCP on the floor gay. When gabe finally dropped to the ground, he seemed the same, until he looked up at Joe with cummy white eyes and began speaking in an unknown and arcane language in-perceivable to even Joe. It was clear to Joe that the power had corrupted him. Gabe stood up and pointed at Joe saying "You can't even default dance, virgin" The two then went into the containment unit for the ball pit. Gabe, with his new sense of superiority, decided that it should be joe who should go into the pit and retrieve the plans for extraction Joe dived into the pit, which was full of pee and infinite in depth, and began searching for the plans. Immediately upon submersion, Joe's senses were assaulted by ever kind of cosmic horror to ever exist, eldritch horrors beyond comprehension swam around him, unimaginably huge, older than time itself. By the time that Joe had found the file and swam back the surface, 6 googolplex of Eldritch Wyrms had nested in his smooth soft brain. Joe became fully aware of what Gabe had done to him, the last shred of sanity that had been robbed of him. This betrayal turned to red hot hatred and sexual tension, and joe tossed the plans aside and tackled Gabe to the ground. The two God Like mortals nearly severed each others knee caps, before Jaymond Undertale and Bargo Teetheater, in all of their sweaty glory, fell down the stairs and landed in front of the door. Joe and Gabe stopped fighting, but before they walked away, Joe pulled Gabe's ear clean off and whispered. "Rawr! x3 nuzzles pounces on you uwu you so warm, couldn't help but notice your bulge from across the floor, Nuzzles yo' necky wecky heehee, Unzips yo baggy ass pants, oof baby you so musky, take me home, pet me, ’n' make me yours and don't forget to stuff me! See me wag my widdle baby tail all for your buldgy-wuldgy! Kissies 'n' lickies yo neck, I hope daddy likies nuzzles 'n' wuzzles yo chest, I be gettin' thirsty. Hey, I got a little itch, you think you can help me? Only seven inches long uwu, PLEASE ADOPT ME! Paws on your buldge as I lick my lips, UwU punish me please, ’Boutta hit ’em with this furry shit .He don't see it comin’." This was the final blow to their friendship, and a warning of what was to come. After this altercation, the surviving Garfieldists destroyed all files on schlorp and left, securing their place as One True Religion.